"A brief candle..."

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

-Charlie Daniels
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Every death creates an empty inside us where they used to be. After two, they clump together to make one big empty. When a new one comes, the shock of the new empty, on it's own hurts for awhile. But after time it moves into the big empty. It's still there, dully, it never goes away, but the hurt becomes less sharp and our minds can slip free for awhile. Inside the empty, there are these little dark wisps of doubt. The stray thoughts that speculate on who is to blame. They are gaseous, but when you get enough, the pressure causes them to condense into a horrible, corrosive tar in the bottom of the empty. It eats away at you, makes the empty bigger.
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Ziggy; wherever you go, may the higher powers smile on you. And if there is nothing, may the darkness be a blessed relief from the pain.
X ycph lcz... Qcjphj bsm gphj. Bygbln.

"Why should I tell the truth?"

"Reality is bad enough. Why should I tell the truth?"

-Patrick Sky
I haven't blogged in awhile, I know. But I have not had many thoughts worth blogging that I am willing to share, or those I have have not been enough to sustain a decent amount. But now I feel is the time where I have to do something, or I will never be able to start again. So here is tonight's thought, coming in the form of a cleaned-up MSN conversation with a close friend of mine:
Bec says:
*clings to last battered, torn, and blackened shred of hope*
A Friend says:
lol
Bec says:
I spose thats all we can ever do really...
A Friend says:
yer truth
Bec says:
And we can pretend to deny truths, because that moment when you forget the pretence is a pretence hurts just so much less than the pretending itself.
A Friend says:
ok im lost
Bec says:
If the truth of our life is harsh, we can pretend to not know the truth. And pretending we don't know the truth hurts, but the moment when we actually believe our pretending is real makes the extra hurt of pretending worth it.
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And I suppose that even if we don't lie to ourselves, the lying to others with a totally happy face and not a care in the world helps lessen the weight of our truths upon our shoulders. And if you want me to elaborate in this, turn to the title. If I wanted to share any truths, I would have done so long ago.